faith, Judaism

Essay: Why I want to become Jewish

Note: As part of my conversion process, my rabbi requires that I write my religious autobiography, which is made up of a series of essays. I’m posting these essays here, as well, to share my journey. I’m nearing the end of this process and will soon meet the beit din (rabbinical court) who will decide my Jewish “fate.” If my request for conversion is approved, I’ll then enter the mikveh and, when I emerge, I do so as a Jew.

Here is my first essay in the series, which is all about what compelled me to make this decision.

When starting out on my faith journey in my early twenties, I carried with me the God of my youth. This God was one that, if my prayers were sincere enough, my heart true enough, and my deeds good enough, would grant whatever it was that I wanted. If my prayers weren’t answered, it was because I had sinned or had fallen short of God’s plan for me. God was like a magical ATM in the sky, dispensing money, happiness, and an occasional new car to those that were worthy and devout.

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faith

Rest in peace, Mother Angelica, and thank you

“Faith is one foot on the ground, one foot in the air, and a queasy feeling in the stomach.” – Mother Mary Angelica

Mother_AngelicaThe quote above is one that has stuck with me for almost a decade. Mother Angelica, a cloistered Franciscan nun who became the founder of EWTN, the global Roman Catholic television network, died today at age 92.  It is fitting that a woman as devout and holy as she would pass on the day of the resurrection of her Lord.

I left the Catholic Church years ago, and anyone who reads my blog knows that I’m not in a good place with Christianity and the faith and beliefs I’ve held my entire life, especially since I’m considering converting to Judaism, but saying goodbye to this extraordinary woman hurts. 

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faith

Christian creeps

A few years ago, I was a really crappy friend to someone I’ll call Summer.  She and I met back when we were taking college classes at Indiana Tech and we became fast friends.  Even after I moved away, we maintained a friendship.  This wasn’t a surface-level friendship, either.  We confided in each other about our struggles as wives and working women and we were always telling one another how thankful we were to have the other in our lives.

And then it all changed.
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